In Ghana, the questions start early. At family gatherings, at weddings, at church, someone asks when the baby is coming. For couples going through fertility treatment, those questions add to an already heavy load. This article is about how to carry that load better.
Does stress cause infertility?
Not directly, as far as research shows. Stress does not block tubes or lower a sperm count. But long-term stress affects sleep, mood, appetite, your marriage, and your ability to stick with treatment, so it is worth managing for its own sake.
If anyone tells you to 'just relax and it will happen', you can politely ignore them. Infertility is a medical condition. It is not a punishment, and it is not caused by a lack of faith or effort.
Handling family and community pressure
- Agree as a couple what you will share, and with whom. You do not owe anyone your medical details.
- Prepare a simple answer for the questions, such as 'When God says it is time, you will hear', or just 'We are working on it, thank you'.
- Stand together. When the pressure falls on one partner, very often the wife, the other should step in. A husband who says 'this is our matter' protects his wife from a great deal.
- Remember that the cause is often on the man's side, or on both sides. Blame helps no one, and it is usually wrong anyway.
- Give yourself permission to skip an outdooring or baby shower if you know it will be too hard right now.
Faith and treatment
For many of the couples we work with, faith is a real source of strength, and prayer and medical treatment go well together. Be careful, though, of anyone who tells you to stop your treatment or medication, or asks for large sums in exchange for a guaranteed miracle. Your doctor and your pastor or imam should both be on your side.
Practical ways to cope
Look after your body
- Sleep at regular times
- Walk or do gentle exercise most days, and avoid very intense workouts during treatment unless your doctor agrees
- Eat regular meals
- Cut down on alcohol and late nights
Calm your mind
- Take five to ten minutes each day for slow breathing, prayer or quiet
- Write your worries down, then set them aside
- Keep one activity in your week that has nothing to do with fertility
Talk
- Talk to your partner regularly, and listen. Men and women often cope differently, and silence is not the same as not caring.
- Speak to a counsellor. Fertility counselling is confidential and focused on exactly what you are going through.
- Find one trusted friend or relative who can keep a confidence.
Getting through the two week wait
- Plan small things for each day so the time passes
- Do not test early at home, as early tests often give a false answer
- Stay away from pregnancy forums and symptom searches
- Agree with your partner how you will receive the result together
Hospital visits
- Write your questions down before each visit
- Go with your partner or someone you trust when you can
- Leave early, allow for traffic, and bring water and something to eat
- Ask the doctor to explain again if something is not clear. That is your right.
Money worries
Fertility treatment in Ghana is paid for privately, and money is a big part of the stress. Ask for the full cost in writing before you start, including what happens if the first attempt does not work. Agree a budget together, and decide in advance how many attempts you can manage. Knowing the plan takes away a lot of the fear.
When to get professional help
Speak to a doctor or counsellor if, for more than two weeks:
- You feel low or hopeless most days
- Worry is stopping you from working, sleeping or eating
- You have lost interest in things you used to enjoy
- You are pulling away from your partner, friends or family
If you ever have thoughts of harming yourself, please treat it as urgent and talk to a doctor or someone you trust today. You do not have to carry it alone, and it can get better.
How we help
Counselling is at the centre of what we do. Our fertility counsellor has supported couples through treatment for nearly seventeen years, and everything you share with us stays confidential.
Be kind to yourselves
It is fine to take a break from treatment, to feel hopeful one day and low the next, and to change your mind about the next step. You are doing your best in a hard situation, and that is enough.
This article is general information, not medical advice. Your own situation needs a proper assessment by a qualified doctor, which we arrange at our partner hospitals in Accra.
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